- I redid your submission as a photo post, hope you don’t mind!
Now the first thought people have when they see him is ‘HE’S AN ALICORN!!!’, yah, but with reason. Here is the sad story of my OC, Orange Pop.
- Okay… I’ll take your word on it until I get to that part of the story. Let’s start with the design.
- I like the name ‘Orange Pop’ for an orange pony who sings- that’s very cute. The mane and tail colors, unfortunately, don’t do this design any favors- the brown is boring and I don’t quite understand why the streaks/tips don’t match up. The brown eyes have a similar problem to the mane and the horn doesn’t match his body color- plus, the black cutie mark is also kinda drab. I like what could be for this design, so my first suggestion would be to find a color that compliments this orange well (a very subtle blue and maybe some neutral creamsicle-esque colors will probably work) and use those for the mane/eyes/cutie mark instead of brown with all these other mismatched colors.
Once upon an equestria…Silver Dollar and Cash Counter had a child, since they were pegasus and unicorn, their offspring was an alicorn. While Silver Dollar wanted to be the mother figure in their kid, named Coin Counter at the time, Cash Counter, the father, pushed his son to be a money pony like his parents. Silver Dollar wanted to let the child enjoy his childhood, but his father instead put the kid into programs to mold him into the hard working pony his father was.
- That’s not how alicorn births work, unfortunately. A pegasus and unicorn having a child would result in either a pegasus or unicorn baby.
After years and years of extra courses, and math help, one slip up changed Coin Counter’s life forever. On a trip to the market one day, Silver Dollar stopped at a young looking pony who was playing the guitar. Coin really got into it, and started to sing along with her, ultimatley resulting in a cutie mark. When they got home, father was furious.
After a messy divorce, resulting in the bankrupt of Silver Dollar, his father continued to put his son into a working environment in hopes of changing his cutie mark. Celestia herself wanted to take Coin for royal magic training, to which his father denied sternly. It was established that Coin had a higher attention span than average and tended to memorize things quickly. Coin Counter developed perfect pitch.
- I’d remove the bit about Celestia, he’s got a good story going without that.
You might think being an Alicorn means royal treatment, and it does. But Coin’s father was pushing him into advanced classes even though he barely passed regular classes because they bored him. He would often write music in class, or just plain doodle album covers. His father would tell him to forget these stupid dreams and learn that his chances were zero at making it. Coin never gave up. But in school, he was bullied continuously and often spent time alone, wandering the courtyards at recess thinking, singing, and talking to himself.
Celestia returned when Coin turned 12 demanding he be treated royally. Cash Counter refused which led to a small scale magic argument. The resulting magic caused Coin Counter’s fur on his body to permanently become orange, from its original silver, like his parents. With his father’s continuing fights with the princess over his destiny, the citizens of Canterlot grew to dislike Cash Counter, which meant business dropped for him. His only hope, after trying to teach new skills and strange foreign magic to change his son’s cutie mark, meant cutting it off.
- Hmm… I’d have him be orange from the start. Fur changing color like that doesn’t make a ton of sense to me. Maybe a more bronze-ish orange tone would help him look like his parents? Like a penny color?
When Coin came home early from school one day he over heard his dad planning the removal. It panicked him. He packed his belonging as fast as he could, and attempted to leave. His father caught him but Coin was able to get away thanks to some unseen help from Luna. Coin went to try his luck performing. First stop, Phillydelphia.
In Phillydelphia, Coin managed to get some attention over the radio, but when his first concert came, everypony thought he was a fake Alicorn and booed him off stage. Coin didn’t get it, so he grew his hair out over the next six months, and changed his legal name on his 14 birthday. He decided to try his new identity in Las Pegasus.
In Las Pegasus, after some success at small market and event concerts, he knew the only way people wouldn’t boo him was to wear something to cover his wings. Which he does to this day, whenever he performs. Not in the photo though, think of it as rehearsal.
He bought some mane dye from local stands. He purchased blue, but by mixing different amounts of water he changed the hue. He performed for the first time for over forty thousand fillies and colts. He was a huge success.
His first encounter with the main six came from a concert in Ponyville, which was supposed to be a secret. With the help of Rainbow Dash and Applejack, he was able to have a great show. Even though Twilight kept getting on his nerves since he didn’t like to plan things.
In his months of absence from Ponyville, a gossip pony known as Gabby Gums came up with the idea that Orange Pop was a changeling since he was always covering his body. She thought if you took off his outfits, you’d see changeling wings. On his return to Ponyville, everypony was paranoid. He felt isolated, but distracted by the mane 6’s creative attempts to remove his clothing.
After hours of chasing, they cornered him in Applejack’s barn where they saw the truth. He explained everything and broke down in tears that his friends didn’t trust him. They apologized and swore to never speak of this. He left the town feeling even better after Luna personally came to state he was not in fact a changeling.
That is where we are now. I hope you enjoyed.
- Alright, let’s see…
- The idea of a pony with a parent who wants to change his cutie mark is pretty interesting.
- I think you should remove all the mentions of the mane 6 and princesses, and just concentrate on that. It really is interesting and I think you can make it work without involving the canon characters.
- I’d also remove the alicorn thing. It’s just distracting and it wouldn’t work, anyway- if every unicorn/pegasus pair gave birth to an alicorn, there’d be a ton of them running around. Make him either one or the other and concentrate on developing his personality rather than concentrating on the whole ‘protecting alicorn identity’ thing.
- He’s got plenty of potential without all the extra bells and whistles. Just concentrate on him as a character and I think you’ll see that! -M